Children long to please their parents. This is one of the ways they feel connected – attached to them.
When a parent affirms a child’s good behavior, the child is encouraged to repeat it.
If a parent ignores good behavior and only grants attention to their child when behavior is poor, the child will continue the poor behavior in order to receive the attention.
It is true – we become what others think we are. If we are told that we are dumb and stupid, the tendency is to grow up to be just that!
In childhood, what kind of messages did you receive about your worth and value?
What kind of messages do you give to children ?
Make the effort to affirm at least one child today. In so doing, you may help to sculpt a great leader for the future!
Are you beginning to wonder if we are the kind who assign blame to parents for everything that is wrong about us?
Well, put your mind at ease –we’ re not! We are all responsible for the behaviors that we develop that end up destroying ourselves and others. They may have been stimulated by a wound received, but we can adopt them or not – our choice.
Parents do have a profound influence on us, however, because in that first year of life outside the womb we learn 50% of what we’ ll know about living life. Another 25% is learned in the second year.
Our interactions in those first two years are primarily with parents, so they are powerful contributors to who we are today. Children model after parents - They imprint Mom and Dad’ s behaviors, and often go us one or two better –or worse.
But influence does not a command make! So we cannot blame them for who we are, but it might be a good idea to assess just what they taught us, and how well we learned!
We develop feelings without words, while still in the womb.
Our Mother’s emotions are transferred to the child beginning at the fourth month of pregnancy.
Mother’s stress hormones, Adrenaline, Nor-adrenaline, Cortisone and Cortisol are elevated in her times of emotional or physical stress. These hormones pass through the umbilical chord to the child, and if received in high amounts, can create abnormal connections between the neurons of the brain.
What Mother feels, baby feels. Dr. Bruce Perry, a neuro-psychiatrist and founder of Child Trauma Academy states that the most profound effect on the child in the womb is the relation between the birth parents.
These are some weighty points to ponder, as you begin to examine the origins of your anxieties. Perhaps your level was set in the womb, or in the experiences of early childhood.
In either case, anxieties are fixable. Moments of ah-ha (so that’s why) help to provide peace and joy in your everyday experience. Shalom!
The first four hours of life, are designed for emotional bonding with birth parents.
If, because of the circumstances of our birth, we were not privileged to have that time with our mother and father, does it mean that we can never make intimate emotional connections? NOT AT ALL!
If it’s possible to do so, find out the truth about your birth; if you were privileged to bond in those first four hours. Far too many babies were whisked away from delivery because Mother was asleep from anesthesia or because it was hospital policy.
You may wonder just why that intimate connection you long for is so hard to come by. It just might be that you missed out on that initial connection, thus making subsequent ones more difficult or altogether illusive. Knowing these early circumstances will help you to realize that you aren’t strange.
We are designed to connect, and the brain is renewable. You may have lost an early connection, but the circuits are fixable!